Knowtown…

To every thing
Turn, turn, turn,
There is a season
Turn, turn, turn…

This will most likely be my last post on this blog. I hope that there have been some who enjoyed it as much as I have. With all the problems I have had over the past week with my website and the Movable Type crashes I had to start over. In the process my rss feed changed and in the world of blogging that means this site is pretty much dead. Few people actually go to a website when their rss aggregator can do it for them. So I felt like it was an opportunity to be reborn. If anyone does stumble this way and would like to keep up with my new blog I would love for you to leave a comment there and let me know that you stopped by and what’s on your mind.

Last week was not a good week for the knowtown website. Twice in three days my host provider suspended my account because the scripts from my old version of Moveable Type were going haywire and creating a huge draw of bandwidth, cpu, and memory on the host servers. Apparently, there are many spammers out there that are having a field day with the older versions (2.x) of Movable Type. The first time they reactivated my account after renaming the offensive cgi script. Once I discovered this I was able to get back in to the blog and post the previous entry and back up everyones blog. The second time the host provider made it very clear that I needed to get my old version of Movable Type off their server. (I was told that if my account was suspended a third time it would be for good!).

Since I host other people’s blogs on my site I could not afford to upgrade to a newer version of Movable Type. That makes me a little frustrated because I really liked their interface and the ease of creating and modifying templates. As I was looking for new options I decided to go with Wordpress. I loved how easy it was to install but I am still finding the interface very unfamiliar and I despise the difficulty in modifying templates. I think I will eventually figure it out but right now I am just a little frustrated.

At any rate, I will be playing with it over the next few weeks and hopefully be more comfortable with it before I make my next jump to a new host provider. Once that move takes place I will be back to ecclesial dreaming. I have a lot I want to say about things…

Due to circumstances beyond my control blogs hosted on knowtown.com are going to be temporarily unavailable.

These include
Knowtown (www.knowtown.com/james)
Epicjourneys (www.knowtown.com/epicjourneys)
Anapapist (www.knowtown.com/scott)

Over the next few days I will be moving to a new blogging software platform and a new host provider. It will take a few days for the magic dust of DNS server replication to get everything mapped out and then these blogs will be back. The urls will remain the same but the rss feeds will probably change. If you visit any of these blogs or have them in your rss aggregator you may want to make a note to check back in a week or so and update your bookmarks/subscriptions.

See you on the other side.

Tonight was a good night of ecclesial dreaming. Colorado had been blessed with the CBA exhibit which means that a lot of big names are in town. Today, mid day, I got a call from a new friend and fellow ecclesial dreamer asking if I wanted to go hear Rob Bell promote his new book, Velvet Elvis : Repainting the Christian Faith at a local bookstore. Even though I agree with St. Christy’s perspective (Christy was cannonized by the Missio Dei community a couple of years ago at a Thai place here in Denver), it is truly a love-hate relationship. Rob Bell is one of my favorite “teaching pastors”. He is one of those guys that is so gifted in homiletics that it blows the curve for all the other people who attempt to follow that kind of preaching paradigm. I still think his teaching series on the Ten Commandments is strong medicine. Hopefully Zondervan will publish that in the near future(hint, hint).

Even though I had heard his talk before it was still very good. It sounds like his new book will be great. But what was really impressive tonight was the newest nooma video, Rhythm. It is the eleventh one in his series and it was really very, very well done. I think Rob is touching on a new way of using the powerful medium of film in a way that will really help churches that are trying to communicate in new ways. I really liked it.

After the dog and pony, I joined Duane, Rob and Doug for some really good conversation about church stuff. I think we were all a little amazed at how many people there were to hear Rob talk and buy his book. I was very surprised to see how many young people between 16-25 that were there. (I have my theories about why that is but that is another post). The Q&A was very good, deep, generous and productive. It was encouraging to see “God stuff” happening and so many people present. And it was good to share in dialogue with my conversation companions afterward. We talked a lot about the task of starting new churches. The lion is on the loose and that makes this ecclesial dreamer very happy.

But, (you had to know that was coming…) during our conversation I couldn’t help but flash back to an observation an old friend made about the movie Titanic. Many people believe that this is the best love story ever captured on film. My friend’s wife was arguing that exact claim when he challenged it with a more realistic interpretation. He countered that the only reason the love story works in the movie is because the relationship did not survive the tragic sinking of the ship. Anyone can be “in love” for 48 hours. My friend argued that if the Titanic would have made it to its destination that their “eternal love” would not have lasted. She would have discovered that he left dirty laundry around the house and he would have found out that she snored. Their different family histories would have produced even more problems. Her wealthy parents would not have supported the relationship and he would have tired of their caste ideology. Two weeks and it would be over.

You get four ecclesial dreamers around a table with coffee and two hours to kill and it can be awesome. But I secretly kept hoping the iceburg would come and let us all leave happy. We can’t let anyone discover that I am not a real pastor and that I am actually a computer technician for my local school district. Don’t want them to know that I was on the losing end of church politics at my last church and that the only two churches I have spoken at since then both folded within weeks of me being in the pulpit. Am I merely a poser? Do I even have a right to sit at the table and talk about ecclesial dreams? I don’t know how to answer that question so it is better to end the discussion before it comes up.

But I can’t walk away from the question. Something has been born deep in my soul that compels me to find other followers of God and through this mysterious, sacramental, perichoretical fusion into an ecclesial we be formed into a person of faith. Maybe the iceburg I am waiting for will not come and I will be forced to come our from behind myself and make something real. No doubt it will be broken and wounded. No doubt the relationships that make up the ecclesial we will change painfully as we struggle to be open with one another. I remain convinced that if we can stay the course, and keep the conversation going we will find something that has been there all the time.

Tonight as I get ready for bed I have Jeremiah 29:13 on my mind. If I understand the central point of the nooma video and Rob Bell’s talk tonight it is this. The Good News is that God is with us. That he has become flesh and made is made his home with us. When we look at those people whose lives intersect our own and divide them into the “haves” and the “have nots”, or think of them as “lost” in opposition to us being “found” we have fundamentally changed the Good News into something significantly less. When we cannot see the imago dei in the other we are not seeking with our whole heart. My hope and prayer for Missio Dei is that we would become a people who seek until we find.

Tonight a small group got together to watch Groundhog Day and talk about ecclesial dreams. It was a great group of people. Some I have known for a while, others I have only recently come to know and one I met tonight for the first time. It was another step in very long ecclesial journey. This particular film has long been one of my favorites but tonight it hit me in a new way. I am beginning to see that in a strange way I have been living the same day over and over. Unfortunately, instead of improving each time around, I seem to be getting worse.

I thought back to the days of my first church plant in Denver. I still remember the day I left that church. I was tired. I felt completely drained of anything meaningful and I was completely disillusioned about what an ecclesial community should be. I remember the tears that I shared with my wife as we attempted to discuss our shared dreams of any kind of ecclesial future. That future was dim. Most of all I remember thinking to myself that I would never be involved in church at that level again.

Years later I woke up and found that even though the clock had rolled from 5:59 to 6:00 the day was still the same. But this time things would be different. We had all the pieces in place. We owned our building. We had a good core group of people. We had a leadership team that “got it.” I remember vocational changes pulling important people out of the mix. I remember sitting at a table with the pastor and worship leader sharing the vision of the ecclesial dream and having my wind knocked out as my pastor announced his plans for resignation. I remember the demons of ecclesial politics reminding me once again that churches are places of power. I remember the morning after a meeting of the pastor search committee meeting when I realized that, for some, that power was a thing to be grasped. But mostly I remember going home after my last Ten Commandments class at that church and shaving my head. I remember sharing more tears with Janell, seeing the ecclesial future go from dim to dark, and saying to myself that I would never be involved in church at that level again.

Two weeks ago I was kindly told how much God has blessed that church since I left. This morning that was echoed again as I wrestled with the idea that the problem is me. And tonight I felt the ecclesial dreamer clock roll once again to 6:00.

Tonight I reflected on our journey with my wife. Not much has changed since leaving that first church plant. I am getting better at holding back the tears, but I have to avoid certain topics to pull that off completely. I still have a lot I want to say and share but I guess I feel like I have lost my right to say it. I am pretty confident that I will work through my own private existential turbulence because I have been here before. And I am equally persuaded that I will wake up tomorrow and be living in the same damned day. I have learned not to say I will never be involved in church at that level again out loud — but I still think it. I am sure that my convictions and context will make that a realilty whether I want it to be or not so it is really not relevant whether I say it.

Of course, I do not deny that God’s blessings are new every morning. But maybe my friend from my old church is right. Maybe those blessings are meant for somebody else.

I have sensed for a while now that there was something out of place with my ecclesial dream. In the private places in my soul I would wonder if there is such a thing as the art of the impossible. Recently it has become very obvious to me that the fault is not with the dream, but the dreamer. While I no longer doubt the reality of the art of the impossible, it has become increasingly clear that I am not an artist that can craft in that medium.

I am not sure how to say much more than that at the moment. stay tuned…

I loved getting this great news today. I think this is a gianormous step in a very good direction. I can’t wait to see how this develops.

I love Colorado. This has been a fun trip with the family so far. The kids are finally old enough to do some good hike trips as a family and they are great travelers. Janell is a genious when it comes to traveling with kids and is making this trip easy. It has not been as relaxing as I was hoping it would be but it has been good. I feel out of synch because I am normally a night person but it is too hard to stay up reading or blogging when everyone is sharing the same small hotel room.

While I have not had the elusive moment of clarity I have had some moments of good reflection. On our way to Ouray we stopped at the Black Canyon of the Gunnison. What a beautiful place! In Ouray we could see three waterfalls from right in front of our hotel. The locals say this is one of the best years they can remember for falls because they got so much snow. We hiked to the base of the most visible one, Cascade Falls, and Matt and Teryn got pretty wet. Then we hiked to one that was not visible from in town but was one of the most incredible sights I have ever seen. Box Canyon Falls comes crashing down through a narrow canyon that is at some places only 5 feet wide. There was so much water that when you walk along the manmade walkway that takes you into the canyon you cannot hear anything but the sound of rushing water. It is a strange noise that gets in your head. Later that night I was pulled out of sleep because I thought I could hear the falls but it was only the fan. Strange.

The drive from Ouray to Durango is one of the most scenic I have ever been on. There were waterfalls or old mining ruins around almost every turn. The pine forest, aspen groves, alpine meadows and snowcapped peaks were inspiring. Quite a contrast to the drive from Durango to Cortez, which drops into the typical southwestern desert. We went to the tourist trap of the Four Corners (only place in the USA where you can stand in four states at the same time). There were rock spires poking up out of the desert. It would probably be beautiful at sunset.

Today we are going to visit Mesa Verde. I was there a long time ago and I am looking forward to exploring it as an adult with my own children. Should be a lot of fun. I think it will be the highlight of the trip for me. But I have to admit that my thoughts are already on going home. As much as I have enjoyed this time away from the normal routine I am a townie at heart. I can’t wait to get home.

The calm before the storm…,
originally uploaded by knowtown.

Here are some pictures of the storm story via flickr…

Our trip started out just like we expected. Spring in the Colorado Rockies can be pretty unpredictable. The first day at the lake was mild and gusty. The wind made it hard to fish but it wasn’t too bad. We didn’t have any luck fishing. Later, everyone came to our cabin to eat dinner, make smores and play cards. It was a pretty good day.

Day two started out a little better. The sun was out more and it was not as windy. We fished for a while in the morning and early afternoon. Still no luck for our family, though others were catching some pretty nice fish. A group of us, including my kids, Matt and Teryn set out on a hike, while my sister and law and her crew rented a boat and hit the lake. Our hiking troop was attempting to reach the top of a hill across the lake. About an our in we realized we made a wrong turn and so we had to turn around if we wanted to reach the top. Teryn decided to head back to the lake with Curtis and baby Carl. Me, Matt, and my brother-in-law Jack started the climb. It was pretty steep so we did not make it as far as we hoped and decided to turn back.

We got back to the inlet of the lake and had about a quarter of a mile walk back to the cabin when we noticed the weather was starting to turn sour. We feel the strong wind at our backs and a look over our shoulder showed the rains quickly coming down the mountain. The lake was a series of whitecaps. Ahead, I saw Jarod run out of the lodge and start heading for our cabin, a short 200 yards away. He was quickly (the heavy winds and rain came in less than a minute) overtaken by a huge dust cloud caused by the wind. The rain was now falling pretty good. I made it to the lodge in time to see Teryn getting out of the boat she was in and fighting against the wind to get into the lodge. I was so glad that she was safely on shore as the winds and the waves were increasing significantly.

This is when we realized that Janell’s sister, Nichole was still out in the lake with her fiancé, Craig, and his two daughters. Craig was rowing hard but it was obvious by now that he was not going to make the dock. The wind, the waves, and the natural current of the lake were driving them straight for the spillway of the dam! Everyone waved for them to row for the other side of the lake so they could go with the wind and the current instead of against it. Grandpa Carl, Grandma, Jack and Janell, as well as other guests of the resort ran to the other side of the lake to help them get the boat to shore when it got there. They were about 50 yards away from the dam when it became apparent they were not going to make it to the opposite shore either. The wind, waves and current were too strong. The boat was drifting towards the spillway. This was when everyone realized the situation was much more serious than we thought.

From my vantage point across the lake I could see everyone running along the shore trying to be ready to grab the boat if it came close enough. There were plenty of people to help but the boat was getting closer and closer to the spillway. Janell dropped the video camera and began to run and I dropped my camera and began to run after her. As there were several people at the spillway I ran down to the bottom side, just in case. From here I could no longer see what was happening but I heard the account from everyone else. Carl was trying to get situated on a stump and a rock to grab the boat but was not close enough. They were only 20 feet from the spillway and the current was strong and the waves were as big as a small lake can get. It had started to hail. Carl Jumped in and called for the girls to jump. Nichole told them both to jump when they boat got even with the rocks and they did great. Carl caught one and lifted her up to grandma on the shore, while Jack grabbed the other. By this point Janell had waded out into the lake to help her sister to shore. Nichole was almost to Janell but turned back to get Craig, who is not a good swimmer. She finally grabbed him and reached Janell and everyone was safely on shore, wet, cold and in shock.

I was at the bottom of the spillway when I saw an oar come tumbling over the top and come swiftly down the flume. When I saw that oar I did not know what to think. I was about ready to jump into the creek to be ready in case anyone came tumbling down when another guest from the lodge ran to the top and gave me the universal “thumbs up” signal. We gathered everyone together and walked through the wind and the hail back to our cabin where Janell helped everyone into some warm dry clothes and blankets. There were plenty of scrapes and bruises from rocks but everyone was safe!

An hour later the storm had moved through and the lake was as still as glass. The girls were still a little upset and the adrenaline of those who were in the lake for those long tense seconds was going pretty strong. In the end the only losses were the digital camera, two fishing poles and an oar. It could have been a lot worse! Nichole, Craig, and the girls were brilliant and courageous throughout and Janell and Carl were heroes. I am sure none of them will forget this trip anytime soon. I will flickr the story soon…